Why We Self Sabotage

Understanding Self-Sabotage

Introduction: Have you ever felt like you were standing in your own way, like things were finally looking up, but you couldn’t trust it because it seemed too good to be true?

Self-sabotage is when you ruin a good thing because you don’t trust it, often without realizing it until it’s gone. It can quietly destroy relationships, opportunities, and personal growth. This pattern matters because self-sabotage usually stems from fear and unhealed experiences that shape how we view trust and safety.

Why We Self-Sabotage

Self-sabotage isn’t always intentional. When we’ve gone through painful experiences, losing trust in people or opportunities over and over, we start to believe that nothing good can last. Eventually, we protect ourselves by assuming the worst.

For example, if you were once in an emotionally toxic relationship, you might subconsciously sabotage a healthy one. You start looking for signs that your new partner will hurt you, even when their intentions are pure. In a way, you’re trying to predict pain before it happens, but that fear keeps you from truly experiencing something good.

Self-sabotage often shows up as overthinking, overanalyzing someone’s actions, or even avoiding success because it feels unfamiliar or undeserved.

How to Stop Self-Sabotaging

Start by reconnecting with yourself. Learn to open up slowly and build trust again, both with yourself and with others. When something new or good enters your life, resist the urge to run from it. Let it show you what it is before you decide what it means.

Self-sabotage is more common than you think, but you have the power to break the pattern. Challenge your fears, question your assumptions, and give yourself permission to experience something good without expecting it to fall apart. It’s not easy, but it’s possible, and it starts with choosing to believe you deserve better.

By: Alysia Heard